you are looking in the wrong place

Okay I can no longer rub it in with the days and days of sunshine.
 

When you say you “liked it” did you just laugh, either to yourself or out loud? cos if you did it doesn’t mean that you are f*cked up at all. it’s been proven that the majority of  laughter is in response to moments of great social tension and not humour itself. seeing someone die can be pretty tense, so the feeling of laughter (if it was that) could have just been a response to relieve the tension you felt. I suppose it also depends on if it was a stranger you saw die or someone you knew and/or were close to. If a stranger you would have had less of an emotional attachment to them, that emotional attachment to them would have triggered a “normal” response. I hope this helps but if you do still have doubts about what this specifically means I would recommend seeking a proffessional to help you see the situation more clearly.

Well i have had people close to me die before but i have never felt anything for them… but when i say i liked it i am saying that i enjoyed seeing a dead person, the fact that he was dead made me feel happy… and i have done lots of thinking and death is such a beautiful thing, it is the one thing that you cant do wrong…i find everything in this world despicable, everything is made out of imperfection, the only beauty is the the destruction of such imperfection, just seeing this dead man made me have such a rush, like the world was better without him… now no one needs to worry im not thinking of doing anything drastic or bad, but im just saying it made me feel something, which things dont tend to do…i dont understand emotions at all, i cant even tell mine apart… but this made me feel like i understood happiness. 

Perfection is humanly impossible to attain. Everyone is in the same boat none are greater than another, although many people like to “think” they are better. Everyone will come into this world naked with nothing, and leave in the same way. In God only is perfection, love and truth, you are looking in the wrong place.